Introduction
According to a recent Pew Research Center study, nearly half of teens in the U.S. have been bullied or harassed online. Clinical psychologist Jamie Howard discusses how parents can talk to their teens about cyberbullying.
Script
CBS Morning Host: We turn now to a difficult subject for many families, how to tackle cyberbullying. A new research study from Pew finds nearly half of teens in the USA say they have been bullied or harassed online. It can take many forms including physical threats, the spreading of false rumors and receiving unsolicited explicit images. Jamie Howard is a senior clinical psychologist from the child MIND Institute and she’s here with us in studio to discuss.
Good morning. Good to see you. So Jamie, I know that, um, when I think about the online bullying that teens go through today, I was bullied as a child and the saving grace was I could leave school and I could go to the safety and comfort of my home. But this online bullying happens 24-hours-a-day for children who are targeted and most parents don’t know that their kids are being bullied because they’re not very connected to their kids social media networks.
Jamie Howard, Senior Clinical Psychologist from the child MIND Institute: That’s right. (So what to do?). So I always recommend that parents stay connected to their kids and to their social media. So when they start out around age 13, I say to parents, install parental monitoring software and tell your kids that you’re doing that because you want to make sure that they learn how to be kind, respectful and really understand that the digital footprint is permanent. It could always be found and it could affect them later in life and so you want to monitor them to make sure that they are behaving appropriately. And then you can give them the freedom that they want after a trial period.
CBS Morning Host: Parental monitoring software, what exactly does it allow parents to do? It feels a little big brotherish.
Howard: It is. That’s why I say tell your kids. We don’t want this to be secretly – you’re going into your kid’s bedroom and reading their journal without their consent. This is about establishing good practices and so what parents can do is, on their own device, they can see everything that their kids are up to, they can see what they’re posting and what they’re receiving and then they’re so much more equipped to intervene if something happens, if someone says something inappropriate, and they can guide them on how to respond.
CBS Morning Host: You know each type of trauma deserves its own individual respect and Vlad you alluded to it, um, those that might be being bullied in person are dealing with trauma, but you’re also dealing with trauma if you’re being bullied online. I want to speak from the perspective of some parents and maybe you’ve heard this before where they say: “Well if my kid’s getting bullied online I’ma tell them to get offline, I’m telling them to put down the phone. They don’t have to get bullied, they can they can run away from their TV or tablet or phone. What do you say to parents that think that way?
Howard: Unfortunately that won’t really work because the bullying can still happen. It’s just that your child isn’t exactly reading it and hearing about it in real time, but they’re going to hear about it and know about it in other ways. And we know that rates of depression and anxiety are increasing for kids at this age and suicide’s a leading cause of death and unfortunately the cat’s out of the box and we can’t tell kids you may not have social media or they’ll suffer socially.
CBS Morning Host: And then hear it third-hand which is even worse sometimes. So when should parents intervene? Because some parents may think, you know, this might be an important experience for my child to learn how to be resilient through this, but at the same time you want to protect your kid.
Howard: Yeah there’s severity, there’s a, there’s degrees of severity right? So if explicit images are being sent of your child, that’s actually illegal and that you want to go to the authorities for something like that. If someone is calling your child a mean name, maybe that’s something that you can teach them how to hold their head high and really connect with their allies, their good friends, spend a little more time with good friends in real life and sometimes you want to go to other parents. Teenagers don’t always love this, they usually hate this and yet still the stakes are high, right, with depression and anxiety on the rise.
CBS Morning Host: So here’s a question, um, what if your child is the bully?
Howard: Right. So kids make mistakes right? Like the base rate of being a sociopath is very low. So chances are that this is a good kid who’s making a mistake who doesn’t have sufficient guidance. And so this is an opportunity for you to say, okay I gotta take a step back and teach my child really explicitly what I expect from him or her. We know from a study at the Harvard Ed School that parents tend to communicate to kids that their happiness and achievement matters more to them as parents than their kindness and we have to flip that and say it matters to me that you’re kind and respectful online.
CBS Morning Host: Thank you so much Jamie Howard for being here
Quiz
1. How to ________ cyberbullying is a difficult subject for many families.Discussion
- Are you familiar with the difference between “bullying” and “cyberbullying”?
- Are you worried about the impact the rise in cyberbullying is having on children and young adults today?
- What are some steps that might help to resolve this issue?