Introduction
The Britishes must resist the urge to spend breakfast starting at their (im)mobile devices. This was undoubtedly the origin of what we now know today as smartphone addiction!
Script
Rose: Right, I’ve decided that I would rather be lynched and burned than marry the young James Poodle.
Father: hmm
Rose: Or burned and lynched.
Granny: Yes. Yes.
Rose: Whichever is the more painful means of death first.
Petal: Quite.
Rose: This is ridiculous. Would everyone stop looking up their phones! It’s as if we can’t have one single family meal without everyone looking at their phones!
Petal: But, I’ve only just got mine. It’s brand-new.
Rose: Oh yes, of course. Phones are new for everyone. They were invented last month
Father: You’re absolutely right my dear. If we’re not careful these new telephones could spell the end of civilized discourse forever. Everybody come on, phones off tables please. Thank you.
Rose: You too Father.
Father: Me? But what if I get an important call?
Rose: They’ll leave a message with the butler via telegram.
Father: Telegram! I might as well write a message on a papyrus leaf and send it floating down the fucking Nile.
Rose: Petal! You too!
Petal: Well you were talking to Father. I had to occupy myself to feel less
awkward.
Rose: Granny!
Granny: I’m listening. I can multi-task you know.
Rose: Father stop looking at your phone under the table!
Father: Oh, I’m sorry. I thought you wouldn’t notice.
Rose: Disgraceful! A family breakfast and the only one not looking at their phone is bloody Thorn.
Thorn: I lost mine. They make them too small these days! Will someone call it?
Petal: What’s your number?
Thorn: 6……
Father: It’s busy. It’s probably…
Rose: That’s it! No more calls! Not at the table, not from the table, not under the table.
House maid: But it’s the only place I have reception.
Thorn: I found it in the toilet.
Father: Rose darling you’re absolutely right. I’ve been a damn fool. I’ve been an absolutely frightful fucking cunt and I do apologize. Everybody let’s stack our phones on the table. Come on, stack them up in the center of the table. Now nobody even looks at their telephone until we have had a nice family breakfast.
Rose: Don’t answer it! Nobody answer it!
Father: But what if it’s an important call?
Rose: They’ll call back!
Petal: But I think it’s for me! It’s my ring!
Granny: It’s everyone’s ring….it’s the ring.
Rose: You see? It’s over. There was no crisis, no casualties, no issue gone unresolved.
Butler: A Telegram your Lordship. Hello? Stop. Is anyone there? Stop. Huge crisis, many casualties, big problems. Why aren’t you picking up? Stop. Signed: The Titanic.
Rose: Oh, bloody hell.
Butler: To hear this message again say « one ».
Father: One.
Discussion
- What do you imagine people did for fun hundreds of years ago before smartphones were invented? Do you think it actually might have been more fun and interesting to have been alive during some bygone era? Why or why not?
- How did people actually communicate over large distances before the invention of the telephone?
- Do you think the people of past centuries ever could have imagined what the World we live in today? Do you ever imagine what future centuries will look like?
1. Right, I've decided that I would rather be ________ and burned than marry the young James Poodle.